I went to the dental surgeon a week ago and I was 'lucky' enough to be able to score a spot on his procedure list before Christmas. yaaaay.... I'm freaking out a little, I am having a general anaesthetic and I really hate the feeling of being put to sleep and waking up in a smacked out sense talking about robots and the postman. Oh and the fact that I can't eat solid food for a while. But I've tried to get myself excited about mango slushies and mashed potato (which I am kinda excited about!! Looove mash potato!). Hopefully with the lack of exercise next week and the sugar from all the sorbet and fruit I wont put on any weight. But I will have to be mindful of not eating everything I've bought or made with gusto :)
It's kinda good in a way because I've managed to ruin my knee from over training the last few weeks so this means I will have to rest it and it will heal quicker. The down side is I was planning a trip to Mount Lofty this morning for a last bout of calorie torching before laying low but I couldn't do it, my knee would have given up on me and taken the next exit!
I have to tell you, Mount Lofty rocks! I decided to drag my partner along and do the walk last weekend, expecting a slightly moderate walk but I was wrong! 7.8km (or there about) of torture! It was AWESOME!!
We started the walk pretty easily, it was pretty much an incline for the whole way up. The first 1km wasn't too torturous and led me into false hopes... I was able to admire the scenery, waterfalls, rainforest and birds. But once we hit the first steep incline it was - screw the birds, how the hell do people run UP this thing!? Dave and I went at our own paces, him quicker than I.
After the initial, how am I going to get up this thing without ruining my calves and blowing out my knee, I started to give myself a pep talk. 'You can do this Sonja! JFDI!' (My 12WBT peeps will recognise this one ;-)). To my surprise I managed to sort some things out too.
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| Smashed it!! |
I remember this one time, I decided I didn't want to feel so horrible I wanted to go for a walk. I was so embarrassed by the way I looked I didn't want anyone to see me walking so I did it at night. My deadbeat boyfriend at the time used to tell me I wasn't going to achieve anything by walking and that I needed a lot more than walking to make me look better. He would discourage me every time I tried to make healthier food, try a yoga video (yep this was about 10 years ago when everyone had video tapes!), or went for a walk. The torment got worse and of course I stopped and gave in to comfort eating and drinking again. What a horrible feeling.
While I was thinking this I smiled. Yep! Smiled!! Just thinking about how I got myself out of one of the worst situations of my life gave me the extra boost to keep going. I made it through years of emotional abuse, I can do this frickn hill!! Piece of cake!!
I kept thinking about how worthless and helpless I used to feel and how empowered and self sufficient I am now and how I managed to get here. It certainly wasn't easy, nothing ever is. But I chose me, I chose to ditch negativity and adopt positivity into my life.
I did the math on that walk and realised it took me around 4 or 5 years to be truly over those times. I had to leave the state to get away from my ex and my old self to make a fresh start, but being 22, I didn't know how to make a fresh start. All I knew was how to be a door mat and how to drink. So I chose alcohol as a way to ease my troubles.
It wasn't the best choice to make but being so young and having no idea about the world I didn't know what else to do, alcohol used to make me feel better, so why wouldn't it now?
I dropped 10kg easily but not by dieting. By swapping food for coffee and cigarettes. I didn't know how to take care of myself, I started getting sick all the time and eventually took its toll, I wanted to stop this unhealthy behaviour. I started to research nutrition and tried every diet under the sun! Even though they didn't work as well as I wanted them to, it felt good ditching the unhealthy things in my diet and replacing them with nutritious, healthy food. This started my rapid interest in the health sector and has been growing ever since.
Once I hit the top of Mount Lofty I felt like I was letting all of that go and the journey down hill I was starting anew. I made a pact with myself to not let the past haunt me anymore, I am strong! I am able to face anything life throws at me!! Bring it on Mr Dentist!!
My intense walk showed me how far I have come from where I used to be. I no longer drink as much as I used to, maybe one or two glasses of wine a week, I don't smoke, I am no longer terribly unhealthy or unhappy and I can climb a frickn mountain!!
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| Dave & I squinting and sweaty at the top!! |
It made me realise that not only have I grown, learnt and accomplished a hell of a lot in the past 5 years - I've also become what I've wanted to be. Happy!
I am happy with where I am in my life, even though I have some things I want to achieve with my career, weight loss, family etc - there all goals that I intend on meeting. I know what I want, where I want to go and I feel like I am getting stronger representing myself and standing up for what I believe in.
I've learnt that all you have to do is believe in yourself and the rest just falls into place. I can't wait to see how far I can go!!
I am totally doing Mount Lofty again, as soon as my face is better :)
Peace.xx
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