Welcome Back!

Wow.... so I have had over 6 months off from blogging, where do I start? It's been a long and busy period and I have some news.

I moved back to Canberra in January after a pretty awesome Christmas break, lost a few kg and was starting to feel great, then we went to Thailand in March.  Thailand was great, I had a lot of fun and saw a lot of things for the 4 weeks we were there but I totally let myself go... I was drinking and eating anything and everything I could, pastry's for breakfast and 2pm cocktails became an every day occurrence.  Needless to say I came home 4kg heavier and bloated as hell.

Before we left for Thailand David proposed!  Ever so excited, and also a little nervous, I was kind of on edge the whole holidays - thinking about how we were going to do the wedding, when and trying to keep my amazing diamond safe.  I just wanted to rush home and tell everyone, but I had 4 weeks to wait!  Oh the pressure and the excitement was too much to control so I buried it with booze and food.  Good plan....

When we got home I was super tanned and a little heavier but did I do anything about it?  Nope.  I started clean eating again but half heatedly.  We decided to pick a date that was less than 10 months away which encouraged everyone I told to raise their eyebrows and exclaim that I needed to get organised stat!  So, I freaked out and stressed myself into a frenzy and organised the shit out of my wedding - as well as looking for a house to buy.  Again consoling myself with the bottle and take out.

When my MOH came down we went wedding dress shopping, Oh the dresses!!  Stunning, gorgeous, divine, I tried on so many and found the perfect one.  It is stunning, strapless (which I thought I didn't want but this was perfect), figure hugging and very detailed.  I put it on and felt so grown up, this is it I thought.  We took pics and I paid the deposit and off we went.  So excited and relieved that I'd found a dress... but now for the body!  I mean, strapless and figure hugging.... yikes!

That was about 2 months ago...  You'd think that would encourage me to eat better, well you'd be wrong!  I haven't increased in size since, but I am still 4kg over my January weight and I am panicking about it.

So I got back onto the clean eating wagon and back to the gym but it just wasn't working for me, so I decided to look into other options, like last Nov I tried and failed the 12wbt - I actually got half way through and decided that Michelle Bridges plan was against everything that's right with this world and quit.  I mean, 1,200 cals for everyone, no matter what age, shape and activity level you are - plus copious amounts of cardio?  Give me a break!  Not one person in this world is the same, yes, they will lose weight (and I did) but at what cost?  My energy levels dropped dramatically and I didn't feel good.  So, no thanks.

Back to the tried and trusted clean eating, but that wasn't enough to give me the kick I needed so this week I've started doing online PT with Amanda Marie from Daily Dose of Fitness.  She practices IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) style of eating and so far so good.  Amanda put together my macros at 110g protein, 133g carbs and 48g fat per day.  Its freaking hard to hit my targets!! But I am ready to give it a go, give my health a go.  On clean eating I wasn't even close to hitting my targets, particularly protein so hopefully I will see a difference soon - although I am still trying to get my head around eating more to lose fat.....  and increasing my daily carb intake... I have to re-set my metabolism and stick to it.  Along with doing a 4 day split weight routine and 2 HIIT sessions.... It's the cardio I will struggle with - I hate cardio!

So my wedding is in 6 months, IIFYM is going to dictate my feeding schedule from now till then, the beauty of that is I can eat whatever I want.  Not that I will stray too far from my regular (clean) meals, but its nice to know that when I feel like something 'dirty' I can make it fit - as well as a weekly treat meal.

Anyway - I am going to map my progress (preferably not in numbers but in the way I feel) and see how it works :)

So far feeling good, however, I did have a treat meal yesterday that warped into a feeding frenzy - 1st week challenges.  And I feel like crap today, acidy stomach and terribly lethargic.  Lesson learnt.

Peace ya'll - It's good to be back, even if I am a little heavier and a little bloated!

No Soup For You!!

OMG so over soup!! Every day its either pumpkin soup or leek and potato soup.... Talk about first world problems ;-)

Were going away to Canberra in 4 days for a family/ friend visit and I have an awesome girls night planned on the Friday, were off to a fancy place for cocktails and some quality tapas and then probably some dancing! I haven't had a girls night since I moved to Adelaide (a whole year) and I'm so excited! I hope I am much better by then and can have a few champagnes without worrying about the awful effects mixing with pain killers (not that I would mix - I am well aware of those effects!!).

Then were off to Terrigal (Central Coast NSW) for a family Xmas with my granny who's going to be in hospital with a broken arm and cracked hip bone... poor thing, I am so scared this is going to be her last Christmas, I need to make a lot of trips up to visit her when I move back to Canberra next year. Shes got dementia too and gets pretty annoyed with herself... Being such a strong capable woman who's been the center of our family, we all look up to her so much and its hard to see her like this. I love her so much, I just want her to have a happy settled time for as long as she has left.

Just thinking about third and even second world issues (hell even first world, looking at the USA's recent shootings), my gran and my family all this stress to lose weight and pressure I put on myself seems so ridiculous! Why do I cut myself down every chance I get? Why do I pressure myself to lose weight and punish myself when it doesn't happen? I am trying very hard to love my body every step of the way. But I think I need to do better. C'mon Sonja, you're not over weight, you are on the right track to succeed in feeling better about yourself and if you continue you will get there. It's not something that will happen over night. And the way I've done it before was not healthy, it did not last and it put my health in jeopardy. I want to be healthy first and foremost and whatever happens happens. I will never be a stick thin person nor do I want to be. I just want to have muscles! And there coming :)

Ok, things could be so much worse, I have the world at my finger tips, in Australia we have so many opportunities as long as we recognise these opportunities and match them with what we want out of life we can do anything (anything positive that is)!

Even though my jaw is still really sore, swelling is going down and I'm getting a nice bruise, I think I am still going to do a 3 day split and 4 walks this week before we leave.

• Day 1: Legs and Triceps
• Day 2: Chest and Biceps
• Day 3: Back and Shoulders

That should be about enough and then while on leave I will go for early morning walks or runs and do Mish's (12WBT) 20min room cardio workout a couple of time. I will focus on having a good time and eating foods that make me feel good inside and out - no binging, crap foods make me feel crap so I will remember that!

I've got a follow up appt with the dentist tomorrow, I cant open my mouth too wide, pretty sure he will pry it open and rip all the stitches! OUCH! And I'm also scared because I can't brush all of my teeth properly with such a small gap.... I'm so disgusted! I hope I never have to have any dental work done like this again - once is enough.

Happy Sunday
Peace xxx

Woe's Me

I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Monday and it was a terrible experience!! Ok, ok, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be but it still sucks...

It's day 4 and my face is still swollen, it hurts and I can't sleep... waaa I love sleeping!! AND to top it all off I can't eat any solids. Apparently it will still be a while before I can. My bottom teeth were difficult to get to and will take ages to heal... yay me...

Anyway my darling boyfriend has made me some delicious leek and potato soup and gets me whatever I need - but he's at work so I have to fend for myself today. I am getting pretty sick of smoothies, soup, mash potato, jelly, coconut ice cream (that cost $15 a pint!!!), frozen yoghurt and custard. I've been dreaming of Japanese salmon with soba noodles and steamed bok choy!! I cant wait to make it when I can eat again.

Also all this laying about hibernating inside is driving me mad! I can't do any exercise cos my face throbs and my gums start bleeding... so I have to take it easy. As soon as I can though, I'm climbing Mount Lofty and doing a heavy lifting session! BRING IT.

I probably should be using this time to study...

Oh, I got a new job, offered a permanent APS6 in Department of Health and Ageing! Pretty exciting. So this means we have to start organising the move and all that stuff :) Lets hope it turns out to be as awesome as I'm hoping...

Looking at my get well soon flowers from my boyfriend and parents makes me happy, I have the best family in the world :)

Vent over - Peace buddy xo

Climb Every Mountain

I've bought baby food custard, pureed mango's and pineapple, froze yogurt, made a potato and leek soup, diet jelly (don't judge) and froze bananas for spinach, protein and banana smoothies. From Monday evening I will be on a soft/ frozen and liquid diet... Why? because I get the pleasure of having my 4 impacted wisdom teeth removed...

I went to the dental surgeon a week ago and I was 'lucky' enough to be able to score a spot on his procedure list before Christmas. yaaaay.... I'm freaking out a little, I am having a general anaesthetic and I really hate the feeling of being put to sleep and waking up in a smacked out sense talking about robots and the postman. Oh and the fact that I can't eat solid food for a while. But I've tried to get myself excited about mango slushies and mashed potato (which I am kinda excited about!! Looove mash potato!). Hopefully with the lack of exercise next week and the sugar from all the sorbet and fruit I wont put on any weight. But I will have to be mindful of not eating everything I've bought or made with gusto :)

It's kinda good in a way because I've managed to ruin my knee from over training the last few weeks so this means I will have to rest it and it will heal quicker. The down side is I was planning a trip to Mount Lofty this morning for a last bout of calorie torching before laying low but I couldn't do it, my knee would have given up on me and taken the next exit!

I have to tell you, Mount Lofty rocks! I decided to drag my partner along and do the walk last weekend, expecting a slightly moderate walk but I was wrong! 7.8km (or there about) of torture! It was AWESOME!!

We started the walk pretty easily, it was pretty much an incline for the whole way up. The first 1km wasn't too torturous and led me into false hopes... I was able to admire the scenery, waterfalls, rainforest and birds. But once we hit the first steep incline it was - screw the birds, how the hell do people run UP this thing!? Dave and I went at our own paces, him quicker than I.

After the initial, how am I going to get up this thing without ruining my calves and blowing out my knee, I started to give myself a pep talk. 'You can do this Sonja! JFDI!' (My 12WBT peeps will recognise this one ;-)). To my surprise I managed to sort some things out too.

Smashed it!!

I started to think back to times where I wouldn't have been able to get through a hill climb. I was carrying an extra 10-15kg of weight in an incredibly unhappy period of my life and struggled up several flights of stairs. I started to remember how far I had come from that person I once was.

I remember this one time, I decided I didn't want to feel so horrible I wanted to go for a walk. I was so embarrassed by the way I looked I didn't want anyone to see me walking so I did it at night. My deadbeat boyfriend at the time used to tell me I wasn't going to achieve anything by walking and that I needed a lot more than walking to make me look better. He would discourage me every time I tried to make healthier food, try a yoga video (yep this was about 10 years ago when everyone had video tapes!), or went for a walk. The torment got worse and of course I stopped and gave in to comfort eating and drinking again. What a horrible feeling.

While I was thinking this I smiled. Yep! Smiled!! Just thinking about how I got myself out of one of the worst situations of my life gave me the extra boost to keep going. I made it through years of emotional abuse, I can do this frickn hill!! Piece of cake!!

I kept thinking about how worthless and helpless I used to feel and how empowered and self sufficient I am now and how I managed to get here. It certainly wasn't easy, nothing ever is. But I chose me, I chose to ditch negativity and adopt positivity into my life.

I did the math on that walk and realised it took me around 4 or 5 years to be truly over those times. I had to leave the state to get away from my ex and my old self to make a fresh start, but being 22, I didn't know how to make a fresh start. All I knew was how to be a door mat and how to drink. So I chose alcohol as a way to ease my troubles.

It wasn't the best choice to make but being so young and having no idea about the world I didn't know what else to do, alcohol used to make me feel better, so why wouldn't it now?

I dropped 10kg easily but not by dieting. By swapping food for coffee and cigarettes. I didn't know how to take care of myself, I started getting sick all the time and eventually took its toll, I wanted to stop this unhealthy behaviour. I started to research nutrition and tried every diet under the sun! Even though they didn't work as well as I wanted them to, it felt good ditching the unhealthy things in my diet and replacing them with nutritious, healthy food. This started my rapid interest in the health sector and has been growing ever since.

Once I hit the top of Mount Lofty I felt like I was letting all of that go and the journey down hill I was starting anew. I made a pact with myself to not let the past haunt me anymore, I am strong! I am able to face anything life throws at me!! Bring it on Mr Dentist!! 

My intense walk showed me how far I have come from where I used to be. I no longer drink as much as I used to, maybe one or two glasses of wine a week, I don't smoke, I am no longer terribly unhealthy or unhappy and I can climb a frickn mountain!!

Dave & I squinting and sweaty at the top!!

It made me realise that not only have I grown, learnt and accomplished a hell of a lot in the past 5 years - I've also become what I've wanted to be. Happy!

I am happy with where I am in my life, even though I have some things I want to achieve with my career, weight loss, family etc - there all goals that I intend on meeting. I know what I want, where I want to go and I feel like I am getting stronger representing myself and standing up for what I believe in.

I've learnt that all you have to do is believe in yourself and the rest just falls into place. I can't wait to see how far I can go!!

I am totally doing Mount Lofty again, as soon as my face is better :)

Peace.xx