Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

I have been pretty slack with blogging and well everything in general… feeling down and flat most days and I only have myself to blame. 

We have had visitors every weekend which involves a lot of wineries, dining out, partying and generally a lot of the kinds of things people do on holidays – eating, drinking and not caring about health because, heck there on holidays! And I want to show them all a good time, it’s not like they will visit us again since we will be moving, and we haven’t seen a lot of people so we kind of treat it like our own little vacation where we hang out with friends, drink and eat. 

Now in saying that, our week days are fuelled with exercise in the mornings and healthy eating; however I think our weekends have been tremendously disastrous since I have seen a slight increase on the scales. Not only that, but my mood is very low. I can only predict that it is the weekend catching up to me and I am back in the detox phase… I think this must happen every weekend… Oh I can see an *ah ha* moment happening!! OMG so I am detoxing all over again, my body is getting rid of all the crap I put into it over the weekend only for me to put it back again! Thanks blog, for letting me come to this result and now it’s time for me to do something about it. No wonder nothings working!!

I hit the shops on the weekend to try on swimmers - I've decided to listen to the physio and go to the not so near nearest pool. It's been 15 years out of the water… I bought the most flattering of all unflattering swimmers, some goggles and a hair cap for my funky adventure to the pool – I will look like a total tool but I guess so will everyone else there…

I sent my bf an email banging on about how nervous I am about going to the pool looking like a whale and he sent this: 

*shakes fist*

STOP IT SONJA. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IMAGINE HOW HAPPY YOU WOULD BE WITHOUT THIS NEGATIVE MINDSET ALL THE TIME. 

Yup, all in caps! I kinda forget how much my actions and comments affect the people around me. He’s right you know, all this time and energy I spend hating on myself, I could have rebuilt the entire Colosseum – twice! He says his life would be so much easier if I was happy with myself. Breaks my heart to know that I affect him like this. I used to try to tell myself something positive every day, like how proud I was that I could run the 4km without stopping, at how my arms are growing and I love that but then it stops, I forget to nurture myself. 

 

I used to get really bad anxiety attacks and didn’t sleep for days which made things worse. My dad is a psychologist and a bit of a hippy and has researched neurofeedback

 

It is a non-invasive and non-medicated way to reduce stress, OCD, anxiety etc and get you back on an even keel. It helps regulate your brain waves using a reward system when watching movies – simply put, you watch a movie and when the frequency of your brain waves dip and rise the colour and the sound of the movie will be altered depending on what frequency you set to be the ‘optimum’ level for a calm and clear state. I used to do this and it got me sleeping and killed my anxiety pretty quickly – and helped with OCD issues. I certainly need to start using it again to get me thinking clearer and help with my self-esteem. It seems when I am thinking better I focus on the positives rather than the negatives which is where I am stuck at the moment. 

For more info http://www.learnwiseaustralia.com

 

There are a few things on my plate, like starting a chemistry and biology bridging course for uni, about to start Italian language classes, starting a new full time job that is out-posted from Ceduna into Adelaide – so basically I am on my own, prepping for a move back to Canberra in January and not being able to find my happy medium where I can be happy with my body to allow myself to change. So yeah, I’m a little stressed. And I do come home and snap at my partner, download my issues onto him and most likely drag him down into my well of self-loathing.

But you know what, his comment really opened my eyes, I do get very negative and it has been a part of my daily life for probably 20 years and it will take some adjustments and a lot of effort to be more positive but I have to do it. Not only for my partner who supports me and thinks I’m special but also and more importantly for me. I owe it to myself to change. Because no matter how I look or what number is on the scale, I will always battle with this negativity unless I do something about it.

Negative talk and thoughts go deeper into our psyche and destroy everything! They sabotage good efforts and hold you back from becoming who you want to become, achieving what you want to achieve and stop you from living! I don’t want that for myself anymore, I am ready to make some big changes internally and pull myself out of this well – gunna have to grow some more muscle, time for the gym sugar!! 

I’m gunna start Neurofeedback, making a pros list about myself, catching myself when I start to say something negative and writing down issues – get them out and deal with them! I’ve been using a white board marker and writing to do lists on the mirror so I don’t forget, I think I will start adding some positive affirmations to get me going.

 

Ok, so a pretty deep blog today! Haha time to get over it!

I went to aqua-aerobics this morning and loved it! I felt so young! Hahaha. The old ladies were lovely and the best part about it was no one could see my wedgie or how unco I am – except when I was going left instead of right! It feels so good to have done something I would have never done in Canberra! Times are changing and I feel it’s all good baby, it’s all good :)

Peace x