I went vegetarian for two years and dabbled for a fortnight as a vegan - hardest thing to achieve let me tell you! I missed chocolate, cheese and honey too much to keep living like that! I had no idea you had to give up honey.... So, screw that! I failed at being vegan! Thank god too because I was getting pretty sick of pumpkin and chickpea curry - blah!
Anyway, after two years I was at a family Christmas gathering and my uncles slow cooked turkey in the webber was way too good to resist, just a little bite, it wont hurt.... In fact it didn't hurt at all!! The turkey jumped up into my face and made me the happiest girl in the world!! After that it was meat for breakfast, meat for lunch and meat for dinner mmmm vegetarian fail!
Hmm now about 3 years have past. I've been on the dukan diet, the body trim diet and dabbled in the Aitkins diet... obviously these diets get super boring and I quit them too! I reckon I've eaten about a bazillion animals over those three years with the egg and bacon breakfasts, ham and cottage cheese morning teas, steak lunches, salami afternoon teas and chicken dinners... I actually feel nauseous just writing that! No, seriously, 100 grams of ham would now make me gag!! I digress...
So, anyway, when I was packing for Ceduna a few weeks ago I went through the book shelf and gathered a heap of recipe books and threw in the skinny bitch book for recipe inspiration. It called to me, so I read the whole thing again... And I feel sorry for my bf, because I read most of it aloud to him! I remember a few years back when I first met him I was vegetarian, it took 4 dates of vegetarian dinners and a lot of me talking about how grose cow milk actually is for him to run away and not call me again!! Funny thing is, when we ran into each other again 6 months later he was vegetarian himself - and I was on the voyage of succulent turkey breast! We made it work ;-) I'm pretty persuasive and he too became a carnivore once again. We dined on many animals!!
Anyway, after reading the book again I decided to go semi-vegetarian. notice semi? Because I know I wont be a full vego!! I will eat fish at home and I will eat meat when I'm out because thats how I roll - no excluding anything cos I will rebel ;-)
Fail 1: I have been trial cooking for four weeks now and where I thought I had talent, I actually don't :( I bought dried beans to try. I've never been a big fan of gassy grose mushy beans but you tell me, how can you make a vegetarian dish full of healthy goodness without beans? Yes, tofu is a good option but one can't and wont eat it every day. I got so excited about making beans that don't come from a can!! I soaked them for over 24 hrs and then dumped 2 cups into a tomato, mushroom and onion base sauce for lettuce tacos! OMG it smelt soooo good! I was salivating like a bull dog on a 30 degree day! These I declared to my bf, are going to be the best damn tacos you'll ever eat!! here, have a try...
Bf: Mmm 'chippy' (yep he calls me chippy) those beans are crunchy... did you boil them?
Me: Um, no....
Bf: when I was living in Guatemala they boiled the beans for ages before putting them into a dish.
Me: Well, if you know sooooo much about beans, why didn't you f*@#ing cook it!!??
More profanity and sooking I had to throw it out and order Indian take out.
Jaysus, what a mega fail!! I can't believe I didn't look up how to on google?
Fail 2: Oh how I love iherb.com! I get all of my flours, coconut oils and flavoured stevia on there. And oh how I love to make pancakes. I've totally mastered oatmeal flour pancakes and damn they are fine! Saturday is pancake day, I get up, go for a lovely walk or run along the beach and then get stuck into a gorgeous pancake breakfast and nothing was going to change that this weekend! I got up relatively late and dragged my lovely bf out of the house for a morning stroll. When I came back I decided to give coconut flour a trial and make coconut flour pancakes... I made an awesome batter and started to fry away. As soon as I tried to turn the delicious looking pancake, it crumbled like a mass of coconut flour would... I don't understand? I had egg to combine it? I was devo! Last night with the beans and now this!
Bf: You're going to have kitchen issues if you're using hippy ingredients!
Me: Shut up! I'm so sick of this kitchen! It sucks
Bf: hahaha you're too funny
I wasn't going to let a little coconut flour ruin pancake day! No siree bob! I made another batch of oatmeal pancakes this time and let the coconut batter sit. What to do? I thought while devouring my oat pancakes with chia berry jam and chobani, what to do? I thought what the hell, coconut cookies might work? I sooo wasnt going to let another recipe fail me so hard I had to throw it out! I added Xylitol, cinnamon and almond meal and baked into the greatest cookie ever! mmmm!! Fail turned into extra goodies... Bf better eat them all.
Fail 3: I love veggie burgers like a fat kid loves cake! I bought a new food processor and decided that I'd be lazy and throw in some onion, zucchini, a tin of chickpeas, parsley, egg, carrot, spinach, cauliflower and probably a few other things and blended it to hell! I opened the mixture and to my surprise it was so sloppy.... Hmm I'll throw in some oats, oats are good for you - will have to eliminate the amount of sweet potato chips I have on the side but I'll live. Kept processing until it kinda wasn't as sloppy and quickly froze it into sloppy patties. I think it could work? I've got some in the oven right now, they look good, smell good but there a little soft, paste like actually but they'll do!
So this week has not been so successful in the kitchen, I feel like a bit of a failure but you know what, its the bf's cooking week from tomorrow!! He's going to have to go back to vegetarian cooking as well... poor little mite, I bet I've scarred him for life!
Dave if you're reading this, stop pointing out my poor grammar! I want to thank you for being so supportive and falling in line when it comes to me and my 'food fads'. I love you, you rock.
PS: After all the food consumed last week with my family I am still struggling to get back into my food groove... Dinner's going to happen no matter what!! Salad, sloppy veggie burgers and sweet potato fries - NO CHOCOLATE OR ICE CREAM OF ANY KIND!
Peace x
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